4 Steps to Stop Overthinking

It’s normal to feel stressed and overwhelmed but do you find your mind spinning out of control, ruminating on “what if”? 

Learning to recognize when your thoughts are out of control and taking a deep breath to pause, for just a moment, helps reset your stress response and helps you get out of your head. It helps give you a moment to pause and evaluate your thinking and decide if what you are thinking is truly serving you well.

When washing your dishes you find yourself replaying the stressful meeting you had last week. You know you can’t go back to say just the right thing, nevertheless you can’t stop thinking about how it should have gone. It’s easy to get caught up in the what-ifs. When you notice yourself repeating the same thoughts, bringing up the same difficult emotions without moving beyond them, you can take control of those thoughts.

Notice when you’re stuck

Start by simply pausing and acknowledging what you are experiencing: thoughts that are difficult to shake.

 Often, our difficult emotions point us towards things that feel out of alignment in our lives. When our jobs matter to us, doing poorly in a meeting can lead to distress because it doesn't fit our sense of self: How could I really be a hard worker, or valuable to my company if I messed up so badly? The feeling of distress in that moment is real but that doesn’t mean you are less capable or less valuable. 

Calm the body

Once you notice that you are caught in this thought cycle, you have the ability to change the narrative you tell yourself. Interrupting the cycle starts with your body. When we are feeling distressed, our brains are less capable of critical thought and approaching difficult problems reasonably. 

Take three slow, deep belly breaths. Allow your exhales to take longer than your inhales. This helps your body to break the chain of your typical reactions. It slows your body’s stress response.

Release the tension around your eyes and your forehead and jaw. Relax your neck and shoulders. Your eyes have a direct connection to your brain’s stress response and if you can relax your eyes your whole system will begin to calm.

Reflect

Now that the body is in a more relaxed state it gives you a moment to reflect. Ask yourself:

·         Is this thought aligned with who I want to be?

·         Is this thought moving me toward solving a problem?

·         Is this thought leading me to greater happiness?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, that’s a cue to take some time to reflect on what actions you want to take moving forward. For example, replaying every misstep in a meeting does no good, but you can take steps to be better prepared for next time. Once you’ve made a plan to solve the root cause of your distress, the mind will be free to let it go.

Reframe

Once you’ve worked through resolving an underlying problem you can more easily let go of the what-ifs. Reframe the original thought into something more positive and meaningful for you. For example, “I’m the worst at this job and I’ll probably get fired” can become “I made a mistake and I am taking steps to make it right.” 

If a thought is completely unproductive it can still be reconsidered in a new light. “I hate my job” is not pointing you towards positive action but can point you to the underlying disconnect between what you want out of life and what you are choosing to do. So when considering that, a positive reframing might look like: “I can manage in this position while I apply for new jobs.”

Every time you can recognize when you are having unhelpful thoughts and choose to go through these steps you are mastering the power of the pause. Just like learning to play the piano takes hours and hours and years of practice, so does mastering the power of the pause. The more you do it the better you will get at recognizing ruminating thoughts, interrupting the cycle and changing how you think about your life and your actions.